Wherein · I · talk · about · myself.

I am alive and well. I am writing my book.

The only way I can write is if I completely cut out distractions. No WoW, no AIM, no LJ, no RP, no e-mail, no internets at all except for research.

I promised myself that I would write a book before the year was out, and that is what I am doing. And I love it. It's hard as hell and I bang my head against the keyboard a lot but I love every minute of it.

My apologies to those who have worried about me. I'm going to continue to be MIA until the book is finished.

The book comes first. I promised myself I would do it, and that's the only way I can get it done.

Well that went by fast.

Goodbye, 2006.

I wonder how long it will take me to get used to writing '07 on my checks.

Some snippets what I wrote in another journal, back in 2004, that I want to save:

( Current )

( Jagged )

( Ghost )

( Brennan )

And some more, which come from my Delphi days, way back in 2000:

( Sorrow )

( Pyrite (Ode To A False Friend) )

( Cowardice )

( The Smiling One )

Posted to remind myself that I can, in fact, be creative, in an effort to wake that creative side back up again.

Well, I am partially employed. Which is better than not being employed at all, I suppose. (Only, not so much, because I rather like living a life of leisure...but I also like having money to spend, so.)

I'll be working the switchboard in a corporate office. It's only part-time, 8-12 M-F. Plus there is some temp stuff I can do in the afternoons, filing and such, but only when it's needed.

It's slightly better than working Christmas retail, but nothing like what I want. Still, it's work.

The good news: I am home safe and sound. The bad news: I am DEAD tired but too wired to sleep.

The good news: My dogs remembered me! And greeted me with many many puppeh kisses! The bad news: My German Shepherd was so excited that I came home, she peed on my bed. AND my blanket.

The good news: I have a tv in my room, with satellite and everything! The bad news: DIAL-UP INTERNETS ONLY.

The good news: I has my comfy bed and a room with a door. The bad news: It's at my mom's house.

The good news: I has my puppehs, my kittehs, my mom, my brother, and my bebe niece close by. The bad news: I miss hanging with ms_semicolon. :(

I have another Harry in my head... wizarding_tech. Not sure where this one's going, but he's definitely a polar opposite of sean_harrison. Just as vivid in my head though.

I know someone who will enjoy this quiz...

You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. You are definitely quirky and often mistaken for mad but if anyone is truly paying attention they can see there is method to your madness. You try really hard to be bad but in the end you tend to do the right thing. </td> Captain Jack Sparrow 67% Captain James T. Hook 67% Sinbad 58% Captain Barbosa 58% Mary Read 50% Long John Silvers 25% Will Turner 17% Black Beard 17% Morgan Adams 17% Dread Pirate Roberts 17% What kind of Pirate are you? created with QuizFarm.com

OMG.

I am now officially on the Queer As Folk bandwagon.

That is all.

I have to go to the grocery store. I don't want to go to the grocery store. I want to fall into bed and sleep for about a thousand hours.

So tired. The heat, it kills me dead.

In other news, I am DOING WELL at my job and THEY LIKE ME. They have said so. GO ME!

Okay, so I was totally confident about the interview...but now I'm totally nervous about actually going in to work tomorrow. I wish I could have started like the next day or something, instead of having all this buildup in between the interview and starting the job. Too much time in which to create doubts.

I just had an odd deja vu experience. I opened up an old file from maybe two years ago, a story idea I'd been working on. And discovered that the story idea pretty accurately describes my current real-life situation.

I am my own muse.

I was just going through my old journal entries.

I posted back on May 13th that I felt there was something about June 14th... And then, of course, I hit my limit and finally quit my old job on May 14th. And I just realized that I'm starting my new job on June 12th...and I have to go through a couple days of training, and then my boss is going to give me a test, and that test determines whether I'm doing well enough learning all the stuff I need to know to be able to KEEP the job. So I'm wondering now how June 14th fits into all that. If it does at all. It might just be nothing.

I feel oddly confident about this job. I felt confident the moment I got the call. I knew as soon as I talked to the lady on the phone that I had a good chance of getting this job. I knew all through the interview--from the moment I walked through the door--that the job was MINE.

And even though my self-doubts are creeping in again, whispering about how much responsibility it is, and how there are a hundred ways I could screw this up... I still feel oddly self-confident about it all. This is my job. I can't screw it up because it's mine.

And now the image of those doors from my dream is running through my head again... The bright shiny door, and the dark dreary door. Knowing I had to go through the dark door, and not knowing whether I'd be able to find the bright one again.

The last job where I felt really happy was when I worked as the Office Specialist at Michaels about four years ago. I did my job well, and I consistently exceeded expectations. I was highly thought of by management. I was in a good place, making enough money to pay my bills with a little left over to have fun with. I owned my own car and my own computer, and they were both fully paid for.

I ended up quitting that job, not because I disliked it, but because I intended to move to Colorado with two friends whom I'd met online. But then, at the very last moment, one of my friends backed out of going because her mother became suddenly and seriously ill. And the other friend wouldn't go without her. And I was left without a job and without the money to manage the move all on my own.

My car died. My computer crapped out on me, and I had to use my Mum's until I finally got sick of that and bought a new one on credit. I went into several different dead-end jobs. I made some incredibly bad decisions and and dug myself way deep into debt. I became increasingly miserable and depressed. My life was dark and dreary.

And now I feel as though I'm moving into a bright, happy place again.

What does all this mean?

...I don't know.

WTF, universe. But okay, I guess there must've been a point somewhere. I'll just have to keep digging until I find it.

I AM EMPLOYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!ONE!!!!1!

This job sounds like teh AWESOME. I will be in charge of the office end of the warehouse, doing the ordering and such. It's a little tiny business that is growing like crazy. Unfortunately there is no health insurance, and the money to start is a little bit less than I'd wanted. But there is so much room for growth that I think I will be making more money in the long run--I'm told that as I take on more responsibilities, my income will also increase. And I will learn much in the process. And it's experience in running an office, which will be good for my resume in any case.

And it is TEN MINUTES from where I live. TEN. Easy peasy to get there too. M-F 9-5:30, half hour lunch, weekends free, and busy busy busy all the time, which is FANTASTIC for me because I get bored so easily. I start training on Monday. :D

I AM EXCITED. I AM SO MUCH WITH THE YAYNESS.

I have an interview tomorrow, and I'm really excited about it. :D It's less money than I'd hoped to make, but it's still better than I used to make, and it could go up if they like me and I do a good job. I am excited because they called me IMMEDIATELY when they saw my resume, which bodes well. They like that I have an eclectic background because they need someone who is flexible and, well, eclectic. Also, it's admin in a warehouse, so I can wear jeans and such, and be comfortable. That's a plus for me also.

I am much with the yayness. :D

GIP because I finally got the look I wanted, YAY! My username is a play on the idea of the Greek muses, who were said to have violet hair and eyes. I have been trying and trying to get an icon to match that idea, and I finally figured out how. Go me! :D I am happy.

My muse, by the way, is Melpomene.

I would totally love some really dirty D/s powerplay H/D kink right about now. Featuring Dark!Harry and Slave!Draco, or something of that nature. MMmmmmmm.

And I can't find any!

:( :( :(

On the flipside, I was introduced to the most EXCELLENT dining establishment last night by one of my roommates. (And oddly enough, not the foodie--she'd never even heard of the place!) It's called Sweet Tomatoes, and it's a salad buffet restaurant, but DON'T let that put you off. Everything is soooooo good and sooooo fresh. And they're doing a lemon theme this month, so they were much with the tart and lemony goodness. They have the most excellent soups, better than home-made, better than anything I've ever had in my LIFE. And fresh-baked muffins, and the salad ingredients are PERFECT, and I stuffed myself silly, and I didn't even get to try all of the things I wanted to try. I have to go back again. Soon. It's divine. OMG.

Hungry now. Well, no. I'm still stuffed. But my mouth is watering.

:( :( :(

I am supposed to be working on my resume right now, but it just makes me feel so DOWN. Meh. I've got to get it re-done this weekend, most definitely. But meh.

I'm reading Dark Side Of The Moon, by Sherrilyn Kenyon. It's a romance novel, about vampires and were-creatures and other beasties. It's about the only het I can stand anymore. And it's so bloody good I can't put it down.

Damn. Why can't I write like this? I want my own world to play in. I want characters so real to me that they live and breathe and live their own lives and have their own joys and sorrows. The way sean_harrison does for me. But one character alone does not a story make.

*sigh*

So I wrote to tell my mum what I needed in my checking account, because she had promised to pay my bills while I found a job. And my last paycheck from my old job, which I'd been told would be direct deposited into my account, was not deposited, and is going to be mailed to me instead, which pisses me off because I was counting on that money. And I was complaining about how I hate not having a job, and how I'm having trouble finding anything because I'm not fucking QUALIFIED.

Got a reply back, typical mum, "Good luck finding a job. You need to total up your monthly expenses, rent, food, phone, car payment, etc, because you CANNOT take a job that doesn't cover your bills. Good luck."

Oh, thanks so much for pointing out the obvious. That's so helpful. Thanks for the reassurance.

Too bad I can't GET a fucking job that covers my bills. I might as well go throw myself off an overpass into 70mph traffic, because that's about all I'm qualified to do.

So. I had an interview on Friday. He said he had a couple more interviews on Tuesday, and that I'd know by Tuesday noon.

I haven't heard a bloody word.

Does this mean I didn't get the job? I think it does.

Well, the kitchen is slightly cleaner than it was, and my laundry is all but done. I've also had two--TWO--shirts out of my very non-extensive wardrobe come out of the wash with stains on them. One is completely ruined, and is languishing in the trash. The other is rendered unwearable for the present time, possibly forever, but I will at least TRY to save it because I only just bought it.

I am not having a good day. I do believe I am going to have a good cry now. Just for the hell of it. Because just as soon as I am all stuffy with weeping, that is EXACTLY when the guy will call to tell me that I did not get the job.

Hahahahahahahaha.

ETA: I called him instead, and found out they hired someone else.

I had my first interview today since I got to Atlanta. Keep fingers crossed for me! I find out on Tuesday whether I get the job. :)